How to Examine Your Own Cervix

Excerpted with permission from The Urban Herbalist, a newsletter of self-help healthcare, herbal healing, and sexual adventure. The HAGS are resting right now, and are not currently publishing new issues. For information about back issues, either send email to WiseWomb@aol.com, or send SASE to The Urban Herbalist, P.O.Box 974, Canal Street Station, New York, NY 10013.

Disclaimer: In accordance with FDA regulation, none of the information contained in this text in intended to be used for diagnostic or treatment purposes. Use at your own risk.

Part I: Vaginal Anatomy – Get to Know Your Pussy!

The Vagina

is a closed tube. If there is not a tampon, dick, dildo, finger or other object inside it, the muscular walls of the tube are collapsed and touching one another. Compare it to an airless balloon. When you stick your fingers in, the walls may vary from very dry to very wet. This all depends on where you are in life and where you are in your menstrual cycle. Get to know this Gooky Goo. It’s completely natural and an intimate relationship with your own vaginal secretions means fewer venereal disease freak-outs and better knowledge of the patterns of your cycles.

The Cervix

is that little knob at the end of the vaginal tunnel. It is the lower tip of your uterus (where your monthly bloods come from). To the touch it could fell like the end of a nose or, if you’ve had a baby, more like a chin. If you’re having trouble feeling it, push like you’re taking a shit or bring your knees closer to your chest. The small depression or indented ridge-like hole in the middle of the cervix is called THE OS; it’s the doorway to your cervical canal which is about 1 inch long and lined with tiny mucus-secreting glands; lots of that lovely pussy goo comes from here. The cervical canal is also the hallway to your uterus. No tampon, finger, or penis can pass up through the os, but it can expand for a baby to come out. Pretty fucking cool, huh? Too bad lots of women have died very painfully and for no reason because some idiot thought they could stick a wire hanger up there for an illegal abortion.

PART II: Using a Speculum to See Your Cervix

Before beginning this adventure, you’ll ned to get a speculum, a flashlight, a hand-held mirror, and possibly some lube.

Your Speculum is for you and you alone. Wash it after every use with an antiseptic soap or a very weak bleach mix, and when you’re not using it keep it in a clean plastic bag. If you do not share it, you do not need to worry about getting any weird diseases from putting it inside you. Check out how it works before sticking it in your cunt. Practice opening and closing it a few times. To open, push the handles together and press down with your thumb. It;s al lot easier to do outside your pussy than inside. Most importantly, relax. Putting a speculum in at first can be difficult and frustrating. Remember the first time you had to use a tampon? Or the first time a sponge, diaphragm, etc. got stuck in there? Practice makes it easier. Also, speculums are designed for doctors to use on you; no one’s designed one for women to use on themselves (evil gynos worry that they won’t get so much cash out of us). If putting it in hurts too much, then spend more time exploring your external anatomy and fingering yourself before trying again — especially if you are not used to staring at, playing with, or shoving things up your pussy. Be gentle with yourself, don’t force it. If you have penises and/or dildos inside of you regularly, your vagina is probably stretched enough to start out with a medium-sized speculum. Otherwise, start with a small one.

How to Insert a Speculum

1. Lie down, prop your back up with pillows and spread those luscious legs.
2. Insert the speculum into your body with the duckbill closed, handles separate, and loose. I find it more comfortable to insert mine sideways and turn it. If you don’t have too many natural juices going on, putting a little KY jelly on the duckbill might help, but don’t goop it on so thick your can’t see which juice is you and which is the lube!
3. Once you stick it in, clasp the handles together to open the duckbill and separate the walls of the cunt. To open it wider and lock it in the open position, press down with your thumbs until it clicks no more and is all the way open.

Part III: Meet Your Cervix!

So you’ve gotten it in and gotten it open. Shining the flashlight into the mirror will give you a view of the inside of your pussy. If you can’t see your cervix, bear down like you’re taking a shit — check also to make sure the speculum is open to the widest position. If you have a long vagina you might want to try just before or after your period (when the cervix is at its most visible in the vaginal cavity). Or try on the lightest day of your blood flow when it’s easy to see the blood coming out of the cervical os. If your vagina is very fleshy, and pads of fat are bulging around the blades of the speculum, try a larger size, or inserting the speculum sideways. So now you check out your insides… groovy. Look at the colors and textures. If you are pregnant, your cervix (as well as the walls of your cunt) might be a little blue to bright blue; in older women it might be pale pink. Repeat self-exams will cue you into the natural condition of your own. And don’t be ashamed by the amount of mucus!!! It’s natural and unless the goo is accompanied by weird smells or itching, don’t worry about it.

Excerpted with permission from The Urban Herbalist, WHAM!’s newsletter of self-help healthcare, herbal healing, and sexual adventure. For information about back issues, send SASE to The Urban Herbalist, P.O. Box 974, Canal St. Station, New York, NY 10013.

Looking for a speculum? You can buy one at MedicalToys.com!